The tree

The window opened and then closed, with a door followed shortly after.. This was an odd situation as had been the case a week earlier, the opportunity to get things done for a short time, to do somethings around the house that were neglected during that week before.. How could you pass up on this.. So I did.. Mowing that the lawn was so important to me only at that time.. Return to some regularity situation that left me with some amount of satisfaction even though it wouldn't last.. Recap to this point.. There can be no recovery of the events, it's been too long to remember.. It was too long ago a year after the events.. Writing about it a year later didn't happen, and it took maybe two years to think that it was a good idea, that getting to write about the events and the empty spaces that developed over the short amount of time and then for three years in a row trying to remember what happened.. The day before or even two days before everything broke free.. The feeling the day after it all broke free and all the emotions that hit the third day, that Sunday, and the feeling of relief only to realize that it wasn't fine and two days later knowing in the back of my mind that the end was coming.. Everything he meant to everyone, everything he did and everyone he touched... And then he was gone and in the coming days seeing that it was next to impossible to show how I really felt.. I now feel like I neglected him.. I was oblivious to the obvious as I say on so many occasions, WHERE WAS I WHEN THIS WENT ON??  I was there but it didn't sink in.. When I was available to help but didn't know I was even needed.. The regular mundane everyday things he did, had troubles with a few and even fell at different stores.. Why didn't he ask for my help??  "Could you come with me today?".. My answer might have been a reluctant yes but now, looking back (that 20/20 hindsight thing being what it is) I can't believe I didn't jump in..  As far back as when he had cataract surgery, I should have been there.. Taken him..  Mom took him for that.. I should have.  I thought my job was more important.. NO JOB IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN FAMILY... EVER!!!..   I was a head case of sorts as most people think they are more important than they are.. No job can be done by one person exclusively.. "God if I leave this job tomorrow they will have fits replacing me and what I do there"...  Now that's a load of crap everyone tells themselves at least once in their lives.. The grand lie.. Even the president gets replaced, no job can be one all being great unreplaceable...  The grand gesture is that one day this will all stop.. Two weeks later everything is returning to "normal" where normal is the constant in some grand math quotation.. There is no normal ever again.. Normal gets replaced with an absence that will remain constant forever..  Watching from a perch high above it all trying to get it together, writing and playing like nothing happened.. It did.. And does.. Evolution to the next day, week, month.. so on and so forth..  The tree sees all and lives on..

Badge Henry